10. Offer a cash reward to make Donald Trump produce proof of his actual hairline.
9. Pull major bank heist. Let Mark Ruffalo take the fall.
8. Sing the hook of Sara Bareilles’ “King of Anything” at the top of my lungs into the face of a random cashier at Burger King.
7. Schedule plenty of cuddle time with Matt Nathanson.
6. Finally learn the words to “Copacabana.” Like… ALL the words, yo.
5. Humanitarian act: Re-categorize people who confuse “your” and “you’re” from “utterly” useless to “somewhat” useless.
4. Get through at least another year without having seen a single second of “Downton Abbey.”
3. Start using the phrase “Well, back in my day” constantly.
2. Form a metal band called Baba Ganoush.
1. Up my showering to a two-a-week… minimum.
